Monthly Archives: June 2011

The Care & Maintenance of Love, Part 7: Your Core Beliefs About Marriage

In recent weeks, I’ve written of the common communication problems encountered by couples. When conflicts arise, we can find fault in one another or believe something is wrong in the relationship itself. But often the roots of recurrent marital conflict … Continue reading

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The Care & Maintenance of Love, Part 6: Common Communication Traps – Emotional Arguments

In my last two posts, I wrote of two common communication traps we may all encounter: inaccurate mindreading  – mistaking the motivation behind our partners’ words and actions – and all-or-nothing language that limits our conception and perception of them. … Continue reading

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The Care & Maintenance of Love, part 5: Common Communication Traps – Inaccurate Mindreading

We are each unique.  So it’s no surprise that each couple is unique – in how we relate to one another, how we get along and how we don’t. The strengths and problems of each couple are not generic, but … Continue reading

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The Care & Maintenance of Love, Part 4: Common Communication Traps – All or Nothing Language

Each of us is unique. We are a complex mix of the strengths and weaknesses of our parents, and to this mix, we have our own idiosyncracies.  Our beliefs and behaviours are shaped by our experiences. So each couple is … Continue reading

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The Care & Maintenance of Love, Part 3 – How Love Changes Over Time

Love changes over time. Though we each have a fairly stable concept of who we are and often an even more rigid conception of our partners, we continue to grow as individuals. We can grow together, or we can grow … Continue reading

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The Care & Maintenance of Love, Part 2

The principles of cognitive therapy are not only helpful in counseling couples; they can guide us in the preventive and proactive care of our relationships – before we fall out of love. Our feelings, thoughts and actions interact and influence … Continue reading

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The Care & Maintenance of Love, Part 1

Recently, I wrote that love is a choice. Yet in my office, I spend hours counseling men and women whose partners have told them that they no longer love them. The news is devastating and perplexing, and with a sense … Continue reading

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