In recent weeks, I’ve written of the common communication problems encountered by couples. When conflicts arise, we can find fault in one another or believe something is wrong in the relationship itself.
But often the roots of recurrent marital conflict lie outside of the current relationship itself; the source may lie in your past. Each person has core beliefs about themselves, relationships and marriage. They shape our expectations and shade how we see our current relationships.
Like our core beliefs about ourselves and others, these are largely subconscious and unquestioned. When couples find themselves in recurrent conflict, it may be helpful for to reflect on these deep beliefs.
Our biases and expectations are not unlike baggage and old furniture that we move into our new home together. We will continue to trip over and walk around them until we look at them clearly and judge their value today.
Next: Looking into your past and seeing how it influences your relationships today.