The Care & Maintenance of Love, Part 9: Three Questions to Ask Ourselves

In my last post, I wrote how partners can drift apart emotionally – sometimes dramatically after a turning point but more often gradually over time when we passively allow the busyness of our lives and other priorities to take over.

Before we drift too far apart with positive shared experiences few and far between, it may be helpful to sit down together and tell the story of your relationship. No doubt you will differ in the details; every couple does.

What qualities do you admire most in one another? This question reminds us of how you felt when you first fell in love.

How do you express love, affection, caring and friendship? This question allows each to express the love behind their actions and reminds the other that they are loved. It also allows each to express what they need to feel loved.

Some of us need hugs, kisses and clear expressions of love on a daily basis; some show their love in more subtle and quiet ways. Often we don’t know how much we are really loved and appreciated. We leave much of the positive left unsaid.

What can you do together to sustain and nurture your relationship? This question reminds us that we write our stories together. Success in a relationship requires a consensual desire to change and work together for shared happiness.

When one or both of you is unhappy, personal unhappiness becomes the focus of your attention, and it is easy to fall into the trap of seeing the other as the cause of your unhappiness – your opponent rather than your partner.

When we see one another as key to our greater happiness in the co-creation of a loving and harmonious home, we recognize our shared responsibility and consensual devotion to our relationship.

Dr. Davidicus Wong is a physician and writer. His Positive Potential Medicine radio show is at


About Davidicus Wong

I am a family physician. I write a weekly newspaper column, Healthwise for the Vancouver Courier, Burnaby Now, Royal City Record and Richmond News.
This entry was posted in Emotions, Love, Relationships and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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