The 2nd Confusion: Mistaking Lust for Love

In an earlier post, I wrote of the three confusions that can hold us back from experiencing authentic happiness: mistaking hedonism for happiness, lust for love, and self for soul.

Part of the joy of being human is to experience pleasure, to fall in love and to enjoy personal success. These can be the high points in the roller coaster ride of our lives, and these highs can help us endure the inevitable intervening low points.

But if we are preoccupied with the pursuit of sensual pleasures, romantic love and our personal interests, and allow these goals to consume all of our energies and the precious days of our lives, we may compromise deep personal and spiritual growth and fail to discover the greater meaning in our lives.

Physical attraction and infatuation inevitably fade, and for a relationship to endure it requires a deeper more enduring love.

The word, love has many meanings. Two people may each say, “I love you,” not realizing that each defines and experiences the emotion in very different ways.

Love is more than just emotion, attraction, infatuation and chemistry.

The real thing – unconditional love – is a spiritual experience.

With this love, we lose our selves – our little self-interested egos. This love is not jealous or possessive. It is accepting and forgiving. It is compassion and caring.

It is the love of a best friend – steadfast and reliable. It is the arms ready to carry you when you need a lift, the ears to listen when you need to talk, and the smile that says, “I’m so happy to see you.”

It is the love of a parent at its best – not tied to good behaviour, being successful or being perfect. It sees the beautiful baby in the terrible two and troubled teen. It is the love of the father for his prodigal son, always there and waiting for his return.

It does not keep track of rights and wrongs.

It is unconditional and omniconditional.

It sees the beauty and potential of your soul – the real you.

It makes life more than bearable. It gives life meaning, and makes it all worthwhile.



About Davidicus Wong

I am a family physician. I write a weekly newspaper column, Healthwise for the Vancouver Courier, Burnaby Now, Royal City Record and Richmond News.
This entry was posted in Compassion, Emotions, Forgiveness, Happiness, Love, Positive Potential, Relationships and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

15 Responses to The 2nd Confusion: Mistaking Lust for Love

  1. mysterycoach says:

    Totally true … Very nice 🙂

  2. serenityluv1 says:

    Now this is absolutely true!! I’ve felt real love once and I can’t get rid of the feeling as much as I want to! sad face

  3. serenityluv1 says:

    Because the person my heart chose to love didn’t love me back…well not like they should have! So for me I need to learn to let it go…

    • mysterycoach says:

      Oh, I understand now. You know what honey? To me, “Should” is a difficult word to use as it pertains to love. They may have not been what you really needed in your life… (little food for thought there)

  4. serenityluv1 says:

    I agree! I know they were not what I needed but it has took me a long time to get there. Yet, I still have a certain level of love for them and I guess its a true meaning real love never dies…

    • mysterycoach says:

      Healing takes a while when we’ve been hurt I think. Eventually, you start to see things more clearly in the sense of what you look for when you look in the future. Does this make sense?

      Personally, I don’t hate people. Just the things they did or did not do, which in reality, I never had any control over. We can tell someone or show someone love and what we want/need from them, it doesn’t mean they’re on the same page as we are though.

    • Being human and imperfect, we love one another imperfectly. One of the purposes of our lives may be to learn to love unconditionally. For many, the closest they have experienced this is through parental love, but even here, parental feelings can get caught up in the expectations and control of our egos.
      Agape – the spiritual version of love – can bring us peace and real happiness, but not the manic high of romantic love. In contrast to the roller coaster ride of our emotions, unconditional love grounds us. It allows us to accept, appreciate, give and let go. It is like seeing and appreciating great beauty without wishing to possess it; forgiving and letting go without needing an apology; giving and expecting nothing in return.
      We have received this love from many people throughout our lives – including the family and friends we have in our lives today. This is what connects us to one another. This is what endures and survives our relationships and our lives. We already have all the love that we need, and we need to continue to give it away.

      • mysterycoach says:

        I keep scrolling past this Dr. D., and I keep having mixed feelings about your response. While I agree with it, not all of us experienced the love you’re referencing throughout in life, which is a shame. And while I aspire to learn this very good lesson of connection and loving as you’re saying, not all people think in this very good way as you’re saying here.

      • That’s true, M.C. Many children do not receive unconditional love from their parents, and that can colour how we see our selves and others. Even as well-intentioned parents, we fall short of perfection.
        Those who haven’t felt loved in an accepting, unconditional way may have difficulty accepting and loving themselves and others in this way.
        But I maintain hope that we can change the world – at least one person at a time. Each day, we have opportunities to be generous and kind to the people in our lives at this moment. We can express the love others need to feel as we give of ourselves without expectation.
        Though I don’t call it an expectation, I do have the hope that what I give forward to others they may in turn give forward as well.

  5. mysterycoach says:

    Yah 🙂 this I can identify with much, much better. I know what you mean about not wanting to call it expectation. You know what’s interesting to me? Is that every now and then I receive an unsolicited compliment or a person tells me something they appreciate that I’ve done for them, or how they view me or who they think I am and I am so … humbled by their thoughtfulness to tell me. And there I am just being me… know what I mean? 🙂 I think that is THE best thing … I guess, being helpful is my way of paying things forward. I like to try to talk to people and be helpful. When I can… I try. 🙂

    • I am certain you are making an even greater difference than you realize, M.C. Keep paying your love forward. You are sowing seeds for a better world.

      • mysterycoach says:

        (see me? I’m grinning) Thank you… I hope so. I’m not very good at sitting idly by while others do things to one another or themselves which create unhappiness or distress. Whether it’s in their own life or in someone else’s. I’ve never been quiet in that vein. Although, I’ve learned better ways to some extent and I keep digging to find more new ways to do so in a way that works for each individual.

        LOL It’s funny because the ones that could benefit the most, from what I can help them with, fight me the hardest. No matter how I say it… Agh, but then I do remember when I first began all the resistance I had and how difficult it is to … shift and absorb, let down self protective walls and sidestep or fight through resistance. It’s interesting because after a while, I get angry, then I muddle through that feeling, then I sigh… and I realize, it’s going to take more time. LOL … Lord knows I’m soooo perfect and “never” had resistance like EVER. hahaha!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s