Love . . . the real thing

Ducks at Central Park

Central Park, Burnaby by Davidicus Wong

I believe we are each a unique manifestation of the divine in this world.

When we are self-less, identifying less with this everchanging physical body and the elaborate personal story of endlessly conditioned thoughts and feelings that we have created throughout our lives, we see that we are all connected.

When others harm or insult me personally, they are also harming themselves. If I respond with misery or anger, I also harm myself – I allow myself to be twice stabbed, and it is my own self-inflicted wound that causes the longest suffering.

Our bodies are 60% water, but we don’t own that water. We are each a part of the water cycle. We take it in, we let it out. Water flows, evaporates, condenses and precipitates.

DSC00708

We are also vessels of love and part of a great Love Cycle. It is an essential part of us, we take it in through many forms, it nurtures and sustains us, we give it out and we let it go.

Like all gifts in life – youth, health, friends, loved ones, careers – it is given to us in trust. It is not ours to own or cling to. We must appreciate these gifts when they are present but we cannot hold them forever – even our selves are not forever; we must let go of every gift.

But being human, we do not always love unconditionally – particularly with those closest to us. As parents, we may add judgment and expectation in our love for our children. The newborn baby is beautiful to us (even in her imperfection) because she is our own baby. When I was younger, I thought that I had to earn my parents’ love by being an overachiever but I later realized that that was not the case. They loved us each just as we were.

IMG_0215

Loved ones, friends, neighbours, coworkers and classmates may say and do things that attack our personal selves, and we can be pulled back into the usual mode of thinking of ourselves as separate selves – defending ourselves and competing for limited resources – the status quo of the win-lose game.

When couples fall in love. It begins with love, the idea and love, the emotion. Love, the idea is the product of infatuation – and we don’t see clearly. It’s like a psychosis, and I wonder if young people madly in love can really give informed consent to be married (until they have cooled off and come to their senses). Love, the emotion is a complex of our physical responses (which always fades with the passage of time) and our ideas and beliefs about that person (often inaccurate and incomplete).

With these limiting definitions of love, we can only love a few people in our lives.

Agape, metta or unconditional love is the real thing: the capital “L” Love. It is Love, the spiritual experience. It comes from an unlimited wellspring. It comes without conditions. Although it may seem foolish from a self-centric perspective, Love-based thoughts and actions benefit our truest, deepest, spiritual selves.

Just as Shakespeare said of mercy in the Merchant of Venice: The quality of mercy is not strained . . . It is twice blessed. It blesses both the giver and receiver.

Forgiveness is the same. Letting go of the past, acknowledging but relinquishing anger, and completely forgiving others – benefits most the one who forgives.

Life on Earth in a human body is a delicate balance. So easy is it for each of us to get lost in the delusion that we are just our separate personal identities. So easy it is to forget who and what we really are. When someone else – enemy or loved one – pokes at our little selves, we feel that natural response to defend and react. Mindfulness of our true identity reins us in.

We are human and imperfect, and we don’t always love unconditionally. In fact, most of the love that we have received in our lifetimes has come of course from other imperfect humans and came with conditions. But it is still love and part of the love cycle of which we are a part. It is the love that we give forward.

We can filter that love, purify it and share it with the rest of the world more unconditionally and closer to the original source of Love.

With real Love, I see more clearly. I see real beauty in the world and in other people. The two greatest spiritual experiences are to Love . . . and to be Loved in this way. It comes from the divine within us, and with it, we see the divine in others. As human beings, this is the purest way that we can experience God.

May you be happy, healthy, peaceful and safe. May you be filled with Love and give it freely.

God Creating Adam

 

 

Advertisements

About Davidicus Wong

I am a family physician. I write a weekly newspaper column, Healthwise for the Vancouver Courier, Burnaby Now, Royal City Record and Richmond News.
This entry was posted in Compassion, Emotions, Forgiveness, Letting Go, Love, Parenting, real beauty, real love, Relationships and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s