Be Your Own Best Friend

Throughout her elementary school years, my daughter had a friend who was really a frenemy though she couldn’t see it at the time.

They would do all the same after school activities and of course, they were in the same classrooms in every grade.

Her friend would talk about her behind her back, put her down and sabotage her work.

It wasn’t until high school when she met new friends who appreciated her sweetness but didn’t take advantage of her that she let that frenemy drift into the background of her shifting social circle.

Most of us remain intimately connected with the frenemy of our youth even into adulthood. That false friend puts you down, diminishes your accomplishments and sets you up for failure. He or she reminds you of your painful past and makes you feel bad and small.

That frenemy of course is you.

A key to happiness is to BYOBF (and I don’t mean bring your own boyfriend).

Be your own best friend.

Think about your best friends. Though you may have met when you were both much younger, you’ve grown up and grown old together. Though you may now live in different cities or even different countries, you can call or text at any time and catch up where you left out.

Your best friend knows the authentic you, sees the best in you, accepts the worse and tells you what you need to know even when you’re not ready to hear it.

We carry throughout our lives both our inner frenemy and our best friend. The frenemy resides in the critical left hemisphere of your brain. It narrates a narrowed self-story. It is always comparing and finding fault in you and in your situation. It focuses on the superficial – status and appearances.

The frenemy within puts you down, tells you that you are too skinny or too heavy, too young or too old. It exaggerates the minor imperfections that make us unique and human and tells you that you are ugly. In the eyes of your frenemy, you are never good enough.

Your frenemy talks to you with words that a good parent would never say to a child. In fact, you may be saying things to yourself you would never dare to say to any other person.

I see the most caring mothers who look after everyone else in their family – ensuring they are getting enough sleep, eating well, engaged in healthy physical activities and feeling loved and supported. These same moms don’t look after themselves or treat themselves with the same loving attention – as if they thought they did not deserve this.

I remind them that they know how to be great mothers and all they need to do is to be good mothers to themselves. They deserve that same loving attention.

Whenever you are feeling bad or small, question the voice speaking to you.

Is it the voice of your inner frenemy?

Answer it with the best friend within. It resides in the right cerebral hemisphere with qualities we can foster with mindfulness: equanimity (acceptance), compassion, unconditional love and joy.

Listen to the voice of your best friend.

You are good enough and beautiful just the way you are. You are loved.

Live your best life and be your best self right now.

The frenemy within is stuck in the past and old narrowed narratives. The expansive inner best friend sees your real connected self. You are a part of a greater whole. You bring to this life unique talents and qualities. The discovery and engagement of these qualities in the living of your life is your gift to the world.

Every one of us has the potential each day to make the world a better place.