Don’t Take Anything for Granted This Christmas

This will be our first Christmas after the passing of my dear mother-in-law, Hyacinth.

She had suffered much in recent years from a progressive decline in her general health and metastatic lung cancer and required 24/7 caregivers. But she lived her last days, knowing she was loved and appreciated by her children and grandchildren, and her final wish was for her family to stay together.

She was the matriarch of a large extended family, and she led the annual pre-pandemic tradition of four successive Advent dinners in the month leading up to Christmas, meditating on the values of love, hope, joy and peace in addition to the big Christmas dinner with up to 50 guests in the family home.

She would insist that we sing a Christmas carol together which became the family joke. As some of my in-laws are genetically gifted with tone deafness, we would often break down laughing because it would sound so bad. One time, a niece requested that we not sing together because a new boyfriend was coming for dinner. They subsequently broke up.

With her passing and the subsequent sale of the family home, we have to create new traditions together.

The pandemic has taught us not to take our routines, rituals and loved ones for granted. We can never know for sure if we will see someone again or get an opportunity to express what we need to say. 

Minor irritations, past hurts and even major disagreements about religion, politics, mask wearing or vaccinations that were once difficult to endure can fade into the background when we lose forever someone who has been a part of our lives.

Since the start of the pandemic, this will be the first Christmas without public health restrictions on parties and other indoor gatherings. 

With our current high rates of influenza, colds and RSV in addition to Covid, we can expect a surge in serious respiratory distress requiring hospitalization among our infants and elders. Stay home if you are sick and consider wearing masks at crowded indoor gatherings.

Will you transform your traditions? How will you honour your deepest values and express your deep connection and appreciation for the special people in your life? 

This holiday season, give a gift to your future self by appreciating the people in your life today while they are still here. Be kind – to others and yourself.

At 7 pm on Thursday, January 12^th, 2023, I’ll be giving a free online talk on Emotional Wellness. I’ll be sharing important resources on emotional health and mental illness and key emotional health skills to manage stress, difficult emotions and negative thoughts. It’s part of the Burnaby Division of Family Practice’s Empowering Patients public health program. For more information: https://divisionsbc.ca/burnaby/for-patients/empowering-patients or contact Leona at lcullen@burnabydivision.ca or call (604) 259-4450.

The Root Cause of All the Problems in the World

In healthcare when errors or accidents arise, we seek to define the root (not the proximate) cause. 

One approach to this is the “Five Whys” method. Like a two year old, we don’t stop asking why until we find the root cause (or until Dad loses patience or doesn’t know the answer:) 

Here’s an example: A patient suffers from respiratory depression.

Why? He was overdosed.

Why? He was given the wrong dose of his medication.

Why? The nurse misinterpreted the doctor’s written order.

Why? His handwriting was messy and 1.0 mg looked like 10 mg.

Why? The hospital did not have a policy to avoid medication errors (e.g. Not writing a decimal followed by a 0).

If we stopped asking why too early, we would blame the nurse or doctor and not discover the root cause that would help us prevent future adverse events. 

We can apply the Five Whys method to any problem, including why we get backed up and run behind in the office. 

After I learned the method, I starting applying it to every problem I could think of, including global warming, the war in the Ukraine, terrorism, homelessness, racial and gender inequality, the high divorce rate, drug abuse, alcoholism, depression and anxiety, . . . but I didn’t stop at just 5 whys.

And I discovered the root cause of every problem in the world.

If we limit our awareness to the judging, comparing, story-making self created by the left cerebral hemisphere, we see ourselves as separate from others and the whole world. If we expand our awareness to the mindful qualities of the right cerebral hemisphere, we see, feel and live our connection and interdependence with all life. 

Daily mindful practices not only reduce stress but eventually lead to insights into your own true nature. 

Indian guru, Nisargadatta Maharaj said, “Wisdom says I am nothing. Love says I am everything. Between the two, my life flows.” 

This is my personal manifesto on the connected self: 

I am part of a greater whole: a member of a family, supported by a network of friends and family, neighbours and peers. 

I am a member of my community a citizen of this country, and a member of humankind, connected to all living things: a part of nature and this planet. 

I am not these momentary thoughts, these transient sensations. these feelings or moods. 

I am more than this everchanging body. 

All is subject to change: we are created and recreated; we create and recreate. 

We are always growing and evolving.

At 7 pm on Thursday, January 12th, 2023, on behalf of the Burnaby Division of Family Practice, I’ll be speaking on Emotional Wellness, providing practical tips on managing stress and difficult emotions, including key emotional health skills that we all need to practice during the pandemic and throughout our lives, beginning in childhood.

Please share this information with anyone who may benefit!

To learn more and sign up for this free Zoom workshop, check out the Burnaby Division of Family Practice’s website: https://divisionsbc.ca/burnaby/for-patients/empowering-patients

Emotional Wellbeing

At 7 pm on Thursday, January 12th, 2023, on behalf of the Burnaby Division of Family Practice, I’ll be speaking on Emotional Wellness, providing practical tips on managing stress and difficult emotions, including key emotional health skills that we all need to practice during the pandemic and throughout our lives, beginning in childhood.

Please share this information with anyone who may benefit!

To learn more and sign up for this free Zoom workshop, check out the Burnaby Division of Family Practice’s website: https://divisionsbc.ca/burnaby/for-patients/empowering-patients

Why I Still Believe in Santa

We live in an age of disbelief.  In a season traditionally of reverence and celebration, Black Friday heralds the opening of shopping season. Charlie Brown and Linus would be dismayed.

At age 7, my wide-eyed daughter had been troubled by doubt.  It started after visiting Santa at the mall.  Because she hadn’t decided what she wanted for Christmas, Santa told her, “When you’ve made up your mind, tell your mom and dad.”

Since then, she began entertaining conspiracy theories and doubting her own parents.  “It’s you, isn’t it,” she’d challenge me.  “You’re Santa, right?”

I explained to her that the Santa in the mall was just one of Santa’s look-alike helpers and that Santa’s local representatives are human and may misrepresent him.  I have to confess my first thought had been to sue Santa.

Why would he say such a thing?  Was he intentionally down-loading his job onto parents?  Are we supposed to write a letter to Santa ourselves or line up at the mall again just to tell him what our kids want?

I didn’t return to the mall.  Even with the photo, I’d never be able to identify the right Santa.  They all look the same to me.

Santa’s not the problem.  Like other icons of belief, it’s the abuse of his image by individuals and organizations that confuses and misleads the world.

A child’s belief in Santa parallels cognitive, emotional and spiritual development.  To young children who understand the world in black and white terms, Santa’s an old man in a white beard who lives far away at the top of the world and watches everything they do.

This version of Santa for the simple of heart and mind is a bit petty; he only gives presents to good little boys and girls. In the old days, noncompliant kids would get a lump of coal, which we now know to be carcinogenic (and a non-renewable energy source contributing to global warming and climate change). Authority figures such as parents and teachers sometimes leverage this simplistic understanding in order to get kids to behave.

Eventually, most children realize that life doesn’t follow such simple rules.  Some keep getting presents no matter how naughty they’ve been while many nice kids get no presents.

Like parents, commercial institutions seize the Santa image for their own purposes – in this case, to make a profit.  By so doing, they poison everything and contaminate a child’s simple faith.

Many lose faith when they don’t get what they’ve hoped and prayed for.  Commercialism has blurred the distinction between our wants and needs.  We are conditioned to crave for the latest games, toys and fashions.  In the big view of real life, we ultimately receive what we need though it may not have been what we wanted or expected.

As children mature, they scrutinize adult behaviour.  The advice to “do as I say and not as I do” convinces no one.  Many a child has lost their belief in the Tooth Fairy because of a parent’s disbelief.  Again and again, fathers are caught with their hands under their children’s pillows because they themselves could not believe she would come.

As I grew up, I realized that my conception of Santa was too limiting.  Although it’s comforting to imagine his traditional image, I knew he must be more than he appeared to be.  That chubby old man would have died from diabetes or a heart attack centuries ago.

My faith is not dependent on a fantasized image of the North Pole.  If I were to venture to the far north and find no elves, reindeer or Fortress of Solitude, my worldview would not be shattered.

I see Father Christmas all around me, here and now.  My faith is renewed when I engage in the endless exchange of kindnesses and when I witness gifts given from the heart – with special thought, in appreciation of others, and with unbridled and unconditional affection.

Christmas present is not a material thing but it is material to our daily lives.  It is the gift of the moment – what we have now and the relationships before us.  It is the potential of the past realized.  It is tomorrow’s memories in the making.

It is the recognition of the divine in our present lives – in others and in ourselves.  It is the acceptance of what is – naughty and nice, faith in the good within us, and love unconditional.

In an age of disbelief, I am a believer.  My faith has been tempered by a questioning mind and emboldened by experience.

How do you feel about CHANGE?

How do you feel about CHANGE?

Each of us likes a balance of stability (or predictability) and novelty (or growth). 

If we don’t have enough variety, novelty, challenge and progress in our lives, we are BORED. We stagnate and stop growing.

If we have to cope with too much change (in our relationships, home environment, work and health), we become STRESSED (anxious and helpless; burnt out, depressed and hopeless). We are paralyzed.

When faced with yet another unexpected change, the first thing that comes to my mind is a four-letter F-word: FLUX!

Reality is change. 

Everything is constantly changing – from everything in the outside world to every cell in your body. What you consider to be your stable self is also changing moment by moment.

We have to accept the reality of change. 

And to thrive with change, we need to maintain a GROWTH MINDSET. We have the ability to learn, adapt, grow and positively change our thoughts, beliefs, feelings and behaviour.

We each can be Agents of Positive Change – in our world and in our selves.

This Thursday, December 8^th, 2022, I’ll be giving a free public webinar as part of the Burnaby Division of Family Practice’s Empowering Patients program:

THE KEYS TO POSITIVE CHANGE: TRANSFORMING OUR BAD HABITS INTO HEALTHY ONES

As we move into the New Year, I wish to support you in being an agent of positive change in your own life and in the world.

I’ll be sharing:

• Practical strategies for discovering our unique calling and finding greater meaning in our lives
• How modern brain science explains how habits take hold . . . and how we can change them at any age
• Proven techniques for achieving our personal goals . . . and lasting positive change

You can register online at: https://us06web.zoom.us/webinar/register/WN_v6wUAxnpSvuQxrXXGBSdlw

or by contacting Leona Cullen at lcullen@burnabydivision.ca or (604) 259 4450

For information on my upcoming Empowering Patients talks or for the slides, videos and handouts from my past talks: 

https://divisionsbc.ca/burnaby/for-patients/empowering-patients

The Keys to Positive Change: Transforming Our Bad Habits Into Healthy Ones

This Thursday, December 8^th, 2022, I’ll be giving a free public webinar as part of the Burnaby Division of Family Practice’s Empowering Patients program:

THE KEYS TO POSITIVE CHANGE: TRANSFORMING OUR BAD HABITS INTO HEALTHY ONES

As we move into the New Year, I wish to support you in being an agent of positive change in your own life and in the world.

I’ll be sharing:

• Practical strategies for discovering our unique calling and finding greater meaning in our lives
• How modern brain science explains how habits take hold . . . and how we can change them at any age
• Proven techniques for achieving our personal goals . . . and lasting positive change

You can register online at: https://us06web.zoom.us/webinar/register/WN_v6wUAxnpSvuQxrXXGBSdlw

or by contacting Leona Cullen at lcullen@burnabydivision.ca or (604) 259 4450

For information on my upcoming Empowering Patients talks or for the slides, videos and handouts from my past talks: 

https://divisionsbc.ca/burnaby/for-patients/empowering-patients